The Fountain Hopper

TL;DR: Angry with the administration? Us too. Read on to generate a resource-consuming FERPA records request email to protest at Stanford’s shitty treatment of students.

In an email sent to band members, Stanford has announced the “temporary cessation of all band activities effective immediately through Spring Quarter, 2017.” 

ONE WEEK, TWO SCANDALS:

1) STANFORD BRIBES SURVIVORS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT TITLE IX, TELLS PROF TO STOP VICTIM ADVOCACY

2) LEAKED BAND DOCS CONFIRM BAND BAN INDEFINITE, BASED ON EVER-MOVING GOALPOSTS

STUDENTS WALK OUT BC TRUMP WON, WANT STANFORD TO BECOME SANCTUARY

STADIUM GRILLE TRAGICALLY GONE FROM OUR DAY-TO-DAY LIVES, OU TEEPEE LIVES ON

CS MAJOR DELIGHTFULLY STILL OPEN TO THOSE OF US WITH 3.0 GPAs

STANFORD THREATENS LIMITS ON NUMBER OF CS MAJORS 😲

1,000 STANFORD STUDENTS IN NORTH DAKOTA (MAYBE)

INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS TO GET FINANCIAL AID (MAYBE NOT)

BAND THREATENED WITH BAN FROM BIG GAME

EIGHT YEARS OF TRANSPORT DATA LEAKED TO FOHO

‘FOCUS GROUPS’ UNRAVELED

TITLE IX FACING REPERCUSSIONS FROM GOVERNMENT, COURTS, FED-UP STUDENTS

GRAD STUDENTS EVICTED FROM HOUSING, GET ‘FOCUS GROUPS’ AS SOLUTION (surprise!)

LATE NIGHT (EVEN MORE) TERRIBLE, SLOW, OVERPRICED, UNDERSTAFFED

ARTS REVIEW PUBLISHES PROF’S GRINDR BECAUSE, ERM, #WHOSTEACHINGUS(?) — THEN GETS CENSORED BY ADMIN

INSIDE THE DECISION TO KEEP FMOTQ
[OR: JUST BECAUSE THE DECISION WAS RIGHT DOESN’T MEAN THE LOGIC WAS SANE]

GREG BOARDMAN GETS A NICE LETTER FROM FOHO

TWO EXCLUSIVES:

1) SUN, SEX & SUSPICIOUS RA TRAINING LECTURES
[FOHO GOT INSIDE AN RA ALCOHOL TRAINING SESSION, CAN CONFIRM SANITY PREDICTABLY ABSENT, ADMINISTRATORS DUMB]

2) MILO YIANNOPOULOS HITS STANFORD (MAYBE?)
[THE MOST OFFENSIVE GUY YOU’LL EVER MEET, MINUS A GROUP WILLING TO HAVE HIM]

STANFORD IGNORES EVERYONE IT SAID IT WOULD LISTEN TO, PART ∞

BROCK RELEASED

WESTERN CIV HAPPENED, KINDA

+ some other bonus stuff