The Fountain Hopper

IN THIS EDITION:

TDX UNHOUSED & REHOUSED
ENGLISH DEPT DRAMA
SCR DRAMA

& MORE NEWS YOU CAN USE

IN THIS FOHO EXCLUSIVE:

AFTER ONE FAILED ATTEMPT TO TURN RAs INTO MANDATORY NARCS, RESED GEARS UP FOR ROUND TWO

DESPITE DECREASE IN TRANSPORTS, RESED INCREASINGLY WORRIED ABOUT HIGH-RISK DRINKING

FOR NO APPARENT REASON, RESED WARNS STUDENT STAFF NOT TO TALK TO PRESS

…and more alcohol-related machinations…

IN THIS EDITION:

AFTER D’SOUZA FUNDING REQUEST REJECTED (ROUND II), SCR THREATENS TO SUE

DAILY ARTICLE ON ALLEGEDLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP TRIGGERS BACKLASH

DEATH OF CHINESE PHYSICS PROF, VENTURE CAPITALIST PROMPTS SPECULATION OF FOUL PLAY

& MORE NEWS YOU CAN USE

IN THIS EDITION:

STANFORD LECTURER, WRESTLING TEAM BOOSTER ACCUSED OF SEXUALLY HARASSING ATHLETES FOR YEARS

ZIMBARDO, ROBERT SPENCER THREATEN TO SUE DAILY AFTER EDITOR DENIES RETRACTION REQUESTS

SCR DENIED ASSU FUNDS FOR CONTROVERSIAL SPEAKER AFTER REQUESTING $1500+ FOR ALCOHOL, SOPHOMORE ACCUSED OF ‘ASSAULTING’ JRC DROPS 🔥 TRACK

TRUMP NOMINATES HOOVER FELLOW AS US AMBASSADOR TO SAUDI ARABIA; $TANFORD ❤️ SAUDIS

& MORE NEWS YOU CAN USE

IN THIS EDITION:

MIDTERMS^2 TAKE CAMPUS BY STORM

AFTER OUTCRY, FORMER ALCOHOL POLICY REINSTATED (KINDA)

FOLLOWING “CHANGE MY MIND” EVENT, SCR DEVELOPS A NUANCED, MULTIFACETED STANCE ON ASSAULT ALLEGATIONS (EXCEPT NOT)

STANFORD LOOKS FOR LOVE IN ALGORITHMS, WHICH IS VERY ON-BRAND

& MORE NEWS YOU CAN USE

IN THIS FOHO EXCLUSIVE:

LAW SCHOOL PROF ALLEGEDLY USES RACIAL SLUR AGAINST ASIAN BASKETBALL PLAYERS IN JULY ALTERCATION

PROF CALLS ALLEGATIONS “UTTERLY FALSE” AND “DEFAMATORY”, DESPITE…

(a) MULTIPLE CORROBORATING EYEWITNESSES
(b) CONFIRMATION FROM PROVOST + UNICOMMS THAT STANFORD IS INVESTIGATING INCIDENT
(c) POLICE REPORT REFERRED TO DA’S OFFICE, ASST DA CALLS LANGUAGE “DEEPLY DISTURBING”

IN THIS XXL BACK-TO-SCHOOL EDITION:

RESED DEAN SUDDENLY FIRED, ALCOHOL POLICY SUDDENLY CHANGED

STUDENT ACTIVIST RESIGNS AS RA AFTER UGLY SCR CAMPAIGN + FACEBOOK ADS + LAWYER LETTER + DEATH THREATS

SERRA, SERRA AND SERRA (BUT NOT SERRA) RENAMED

& MUCH MORE NEWS YOU CAN USE

IN THIS EXTRA-LARGE SUMMER EDITION:

IN LEAKED EMAILS, HOOVER PROF SUGGESTED “OPPOSITION RESEARCH” ON SOPHOMORE STUDENT ACTIVIST (DAILY)

INT’L NEED-BLIND ADMISSION WOULD COST $$$, SENIOR GIFT PARTICIPATION (WAY) DOWN

STANFORD PROFS FOUND BLOCKCHAIN RESEARCH CENTER, STANFORD REVIEW FOUNDS A RELIGION

& MORE NEWS YOU CAN USE

IN THIS EDITION:

IN ATTEMPT TO GET MONEY FOR TPUSA EVENT, SCR TRIES TO HIJACK STANFORD CONSERVATIVE SOCIETY

IN MIDNIGHT COUP ATTEMPT, SCR MEMBERS VOTE TO “IMPEACH” RIVAL CLUB’S LEADERSHIP

AS EXPECTED, TPUSA LEADERS ATTEMPT TO TAKE DOWN THE LEFT WITH FIERY DISCOURSE

& MORE NEWS YOU CAN USE

IN THIS EDITION:

TURNING POINT USA TO FORM STANFORD CHAPTER; HOOVER BELIEVED TO BE FUNDING UPCOMING EVENT

POLICE ARREST 19-YEAR-OLD NEAR KAPPA SIG OVER SUSPECTED GRAND THEFT

FIRED KAIROS STAFF STILL FIRED; INCOMING STAFF FORCED TO GIVE UP SINGLES

+ More News You Can Use

IN THIS EDITION:

IN FEDERAL LAWSUIT, STANFORD ACCUSED OF SYSTEMATIC MISTREATMENT OF STUDENTS W/ MENTAL-HEALTH TROUBLES

STUDENTS ALLEGEDLY COERCED INTO GIVING ADMINS MEDICAL INFO, FORCED TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING “DISRUPTIVE”

STUDENTS ROUTINELY EVICTED FROM DORMS AFTER CHECKING INTO THERAPY, CHARGED HUNDREDS FOR EVICTION FEES

GRIFFITH & FOUR RESIDENCE DEANS NAMED IN LAWSUIT

& More News You Can Use

~ A VERY BRIEF PRIMER ~

IN THIS SPECIAL EDITION:

IN THIS EDITION:

KAIROS STAFF FIRED; MORE DETAILS ON “UNREPORTED INCIDENT”
(A FOHO EXCLUSIVE)

SIGMA CHI TAKES PREASSIGNS, RUSH PARTICIPANTS LIED TO ABOUT RANKING ALGORITHM (& OTHER GREEK TRAGEDIES)

SOPHOMORE PREZ DRAMA RESOLVED (?), CLASS OF ’22 YIELD RATE REVEALED

FOHO SAYS FAREWELL TO LISA LAPIN

+ Much More News You Can Use

IN THIS EDITION:

#1 CS SCHOOL FAILS TO MAKE GLITCH-FREE ASSU BALLOT

REVIEW GOES McCARTHYIST, TARGETS ASSU CANDIDATE WITH INCRIMINATING (?) SECRET LIST

SOPHOMORE CLASS PREZ CANDIDATES UNDER INVESTIGATION, AFTER MAJOR CAMPAIGN DRAMA (FEAT. OTERO PARTY, BEYONCÉ TICKET GIVEAWAY, LOTS OF BACKSTABBING, & THE TWAINWRECK 2.0 THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN)

+ More News You Can Use

IN THIS EDITION:

CANDIDATE(S) FOR THAI CAFE SPACE DISQUALIFIED AFTER APPEARING IN DAILY ARTICLE

STANFORD TO EMILY DOE: “SCENIC SPOT” QUOTES WEREN’T “SUPPORTIVE” ENOUGH

PETITION DEMANDS NEED-BLIND ADMISSION, EQUAL FINANCIAL AID FOR INT’L STUDENTS

EBF DRAMA, SCR DRAMA, MUCH DRAMA

+ More News You Can Use